Anna’s Column: Is Hans Working with the British Empire?

Featured image art by Iceburns, at: https://iceburns-manri.tumblr.com/post/143427181824/i-hate-you-so-much

By HM Queen Anna

Her Majesty’s personal column is published exclusively by The AG.

Let me confess something to you: I’ve been in touch with Hans.

Yes, him. Prince Hans, the piece of crap (I hope my editor will let me print that) who wanted to stage a coup and murder my Elsa, before tricking me into marrying him and becoming King of Arendelle. The only reason why he ever revealed his true evil to me was because I was about to literally die from my frozen heart, and he didn’t see me as useful to his plans anymore. By all rights he should have been locked up, if not worse, by Elsa after I punched him in his smug mug and sent him plunging into Arendelle’s cold sea. We did him a mercy by sending him back home in disgrace.

My spies in the Southern Isles were able to relay to me his abusive childhood and unhappy upbringing, and from then on I did my best to let go of my resentment and vengeance. But no, I didn’t feel sorry for his penance of shovelling horse and ass shit. No personal suffering excuses you to become a psychopath who lies like second nature and uses and discards people like chattel. Can you imagine if Elsa and I let the losses and tragedies in our lives define us? We’d be the best baddies ever.

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Two Arms of the Monarch

Featured image art by vektorix, at: https://vektorix.tumblr.com/post/125805713637/

Have you ever visited the docksides of Arendelle, just as the sunset is dipping below the fjord?

I love sitting by one of the benches near the lampposts, by the kingdom’s markets at dusk. If you’ve come before, you’ll know that trading is more or less wrapping up by this time, with shops closing and children walking with their parents. Looking outwards from the pier, you can see the stars and moon emerging even as the fading red-orange sunlight drapes the waters in a warm blanket above the darkening sky. Eventide is the perfect time to come out of the office and take a walk, to reflect on how beautiful it is to be in Arendelle.

There were a few lovey-dovey couples on the benches near me as I admired the calm waters and anchored ships. I savoured the occasional squawks of seagulls, inhaling deep breaths of fresh air. I adjusted my collar, enjoying the warmth of my cashmere coat as the cool wind kissed my face. I was looking forward to an elegant dinner and warm coffee after this meeting.

A tall, burly figure in a hooded cloak moved beside me and sat down in silence.

I shifted, peering at warm but worried brown eyes and a well-kept goatee. I grinned. “Hello, Mattias.”

“There’d be an uproar if anyone knew I was meeting with someone from the press,” growled the commander of Arendelle’s armed forces quietly, his eyes darting about.

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Anna’s Column: I’m Fed Up With the East India Company

Featured image art by Maink, at: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/78178180

By HM Queen Anna

Her Majesty’s personal column is published exclusively by The AG. This royal op-ed was reprinted from her column in yesterday’s morning edition.

By now, dear citizen, you’ve probably heard all about Arendelle’s tensions with Great Britain. I’ve chaired several war councils, met with my inner court, and deliberated with Elsa on the best course of action. I’ve thought long and hard about my approach before asking the Great Assembly to vote for potential war with Britain.

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