By HM Queen Anna
Well, Maren confessed it all in the pages of this paper, didn’t she? You all know she wanted to talk to me, dear citizens, to implore me to share with her my nightmares. So I did. I also invited Elsa to join Maren and me for a long overdue discussion about my growing fears.
My concerns are about the increasingly prominent movements by Clan Mundilfari, whether in their puppet paper of the Snow Herald or increasingly aggressive corporate attacks on Kristoff’s business by subsidiary companies – always two degrees removed from their estate’s holdings, of course.
The Snow Herald’s reporters and editors will most certainly clutch their pearls about my accusation against this ancient clan in my column. I see no reason why not to go public and be as clear as I can: I know what game they’re playing, and if they’d like to challenge my authority, they’re welcome to do so openly, through their family patriarch or matriarch.
This kingdom is a proud executive monarchy. As any student of Arendellian politics and history knows, kings and queens are active players in our parliament of the Great Assembly. So what are my Mundilfari friends waiting for? Why hide behind their political pawns, newspaper, and branch companies when all they really want is a piece of me?
So if any family member of the Mundilfaris happens to pick up the wrong newspaper this morning, their eyes falling on The Arendelle Guardian instead of the Snow Herald, I have this to say to you:
I know your proxies steered and advised much of the anti-Northuldra legislation I had to push back against in the first few weeks of my rule.
I know the senior members of our parliament, common ministers and jarls alike, who look to Grandfather’s reign as a lost chance to gain imperial glory. Almost all of these old men and women rose to their comfortable perches by your patronage. Kristoff tells me that some of them sit on the boards of subsidiary companies under your trust.
And I know that you saw the royal family – my family – as an organ through which to colonize and ultimately destroy the north. You thought you had a use for us through Grandfather, who shared your hatred of Northuldra’s spirits and people. But Father no longer served your purposes when he married Mother and had us.
And now your clan concentrates its firepower against the first true challenger to your puppeteering: me. How you must hate me, a queen of partial Northuldra heritage. And if my dreams are anything to go by, you want to burn the Snow Queen at the stake, like a sick band of medieval inquisitors hunting a witch (or, in real talk: a wise woman). I’ll hand it to you: I’ve lost many a good night’s sleep from those horrible, vivid ordeals.
For now, the Great Assembly stands relatively united thanks to the political and diplomatic victories I’ve racked up in recent months. I gained international credibility with my new friendship with Queen Victoria of Great Britain. Ministers loyal to me have helped me sideline your pro-Runeard faction. I’ve put forward my government’s proposal for reunification with Northuldra, which parliament will be occupied with debating and shaping for years to come.
For a while, I was helplessly dancing to your strings. Now I’ve seized the agenda, and you’re playing catch-up with my bold and historic policies.
Oh, and did you know that Maren and I have been dubbed the “Hands of Elsa” in the Great Assembly? It says a lot about your failure to destroy our agenda, as well as the power bloc that we’ve formed together. It mustn’t feel good. Let me tell you, I love Maren very much and she is one formidable political ally. Yes, you’re not just dealing with one half-blood. You face the real deal. I trust her with all that I am, my very life.
For now, we’re fighting on relatively equal terms. So consider this my open letter and public invitation. Now is as good a time as any to slink out from the shadows, Clan Mundilfari.
Stop hiding behind your newspaper’s editor, your company directors, and ministerial and noble allies.
Face your queen. Let’s talk.
And may the best contender for this kingdom’s soul win.
8 thoughts on “Anna’s Column: A Declaration of War!”
Give’em hell, Queen Anna! Give’em hell!
“I never gave anyone hell. I just told them the truth, and they thought it was hell!” (Harry S. Truman)
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Hey uncle, you bet. I look forward to the day their patriarch suggests a date with me. I’m so glad you suggested I talk to Elsa with Maren, that meeting helped me make up my mind to write this open letter.
I’m glad to hear that!
You, Elsa and Maren have got this when their patriarch comes over. They need to learn that it’s time to work together. Especially now.
I have to admit, I feel the weight of Arendellian history on my shoulders, Uncle. Clan Mundilfari’s been around moving and manipulating things since our Viking days, if the legends are to be believed. They’re an arrogant, haughty bunch of nobles that looked down on even my predecessors and the monarchy itself, but they have the chops to back it up.
It wasn’t so long ago that I realized how most of my struggles so far have been at their hands, directly or indirectly.
Well, so be it. I look forward to my appointment with their family head. I’ll make you proud, Uncle.
I said to Elsa, you’re tough! If anyone can go through what you went through in Northuldra and come out better on the other side, then those Mundilfari meatheads are no problem to you!
Thank you, Uncle. I don’t like to think of myself as overconfident, but your words give me real strength. I won’t let them intimidate me, and I definitely won’t let them stand in the way of a strong, united Arendelle and Northuldra!
I just read the news. I think the pandemic is what took the Patriarch’s life.
Time for respect, civility and love during their time of loss.